Sexy Librarian

A recent visit to author Cole Alpaugh’s blog (where this pretty picture is posted) reminded me of a suggestion I received from a writer friend. This particular friend suggested I play the part of a sexy librarian and read steamy clips from my books (in two-minute increments) to post on YouTube.

I have to admit, the idea sounded really cute and appealed to me…for about three minutes.

Then I had visions of myself wearing prop thick-rimmed glasses and a white button-down shirt that exposed a hint of cleavage.

Problem 1: I don’t have any cleavage.

Problem 2: Surely my kids would disrupt my sexy setting by stripping down and dancing like crazed leprechauns in the background.

Problem 3: I’m not overtly sexy, and I can’t contrive sexiness. I reserve that side of me for private times. Even then, if I try to do something over-the-top, I ended up looking like a moron.

Take the above picture, for example. I can imagine me attempting to recreate the pose, and it’s not pretty. My husband would walk into the room and think I’d fallen over in my chair while having a Grand Mal seizure.

The pictured lady’s hair stays neatly in place as she tilts her head seductively over the edge of the table. MY hair would fly in all directions and accumulate a layer of dust as it clumped into a messy mass over the tabletop. My neck would be bent awkwardly and produce a head-on-a-platter look which, unless my husband is the reincarnate of Henry VIII, isn’t exactly a turn-on.

The lovely gal in the above picture is doing something sexy with her mouth. Whatever this is, I can’t do it…ever. I’ve tried the sexy pucker, and it usually looks like I’m sucking spinach out of my teeth. The mouth-seductively-ajar thing leaves me looking dumbfounded, and don’t even get me started on lip-licking.

I’m not a sexy librarian. I’m a mom…with the occasional booger in her hair.

If you want sexy, steamy, sensual, and seductive out of me, you’ll have to do one of two things:

1. Marry me ;)

2. Read my books.