As I await word from publishers, I find myself vacillating between two impending outcomes. Contract offer or rejection. One of the two will happen; there's no such thing as a little bit published, right?
Getting an offer is the obvious preference. What if I don't, though?
I am pretty sure how I will feel about not getting a publishing contract, but the question is how should I feel?
As I've mentioned in previous posts, I have a 98-99% chance of being rejected. The odds are against me. I'm a realistic person and judging by past experiences, I've never been a first place kind of gal. Poetry contest--4th place. Spelling bee--2nd place. Various drawings/raffles--*nadda. The only time I've ever placed first was in a gift wrapping contest. I won a $10 Starbucks gift card.
Being good is not the same as being good enough.
There it is. The ugly truth.
In the meantime, I make a pretty good attempt at positive thinking, but I keep it real--there's a fine line between positive visualization and being delusional.
So if I don't achieve my goal, how dejected should I feel? Is the personal victory of having written, queried, and fought the good fight enough to satisfy? Should it fuel my determination and drive me to try harder?
I've never been one to beat a dead horse but let's face it, with odds like these I was kicking that horse corpse before I even sent my first query letter. So yeah, I'm mentally bracing myself for the worst possible--and highly probable--outcome, which is why I'm grateful to have an agent. If I didn't, my queries would look a little something like this:
I wrote a book that you will probably not appreciate; no one else seems to. I'm certain you'll reject it; everyone else has. But will you pretty please read it and send me negative comments that utterly conflict with what every other editor has said so I can continue to be confused as opposed to enlightened? I really have no interest in being published. I just like feeling like doggy doo doo every time I open my email.
*CORRECTION: When I wrote this blog I had not won a drawing or raffle. However, I have since--a book, of all things. Maybe that's a good sign...
UPDATED: As of November 9th, this post is n/a. *insert cheesy grin here*